Friday, September 2, 2011

A sad event - A reflection

Yesterday, September 1, 2011 should have been my cousin, Jennifer's due date with her 5th baby, a boy named Andrew.  At 17 weeks gestation Jennifer's water broke and their was no way to save the baby.  After 3 days of drugs to induce labor and then to cause delivery, Andrew was delivered already gone.  It was the saddest week I can remember.  There were so many complications that the fact that Jennifer was able to carry him 17 weeks is amazing, but 17 weeks is not enough.

Yesterday we as a family, across the United States released balloons with notes.  This release was more than just balloons, it was a release of all the anger, pain and jealousy we have been holding inside for 23 weeks.  Jealousy?  Yes, I admit I am jealous of Andrew, he is pain free, sitting in heaven with all of our passed family and watching us, waiting. 

Yesterday was not has difficult as I had imagined, in fact it was quite easy to release that balloon.  The hard part was Tuesday when I wrote the note and yesterday driving to the park and a song played on K-Love about being strong enough because God is with you and he is strong enough for both of us.

I don't talk about it much on the blog, but I am a very prayerful person.  I find myself praying for the dummies on the highway every morning (better than cussing at them).  This life of prayer and reflection is new for me.  I recently did a bible study that encouraged constant "prayer"...more of constant communication.  It has really made me think differently about my relationship with God and my savior.

As this is September 2, I move on from my day of reflection, but I wanted to put it in words for anyone and everyone to's kind of therapy for me.  Anyway, until next time...

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